Is My Child Being Bullied? Signs, What to Do, and When to Get Help

Kids rarely walk in the door and say, "I'm being bullied." Most parents piece it together from small changes and a gut feeling that something is off.

That gut feeling is worth trusting. In a 2021 CAMH survey, about 1 in 5 Ontario students said they had been bullied at school^[1]. Bullying isn't a normal part of growing up, and it isn't something kids should have to handle on their own.

This guide covers how to tell bullying apart from everyday friendship drama, the signs to watch for at each age, what to say when your child opens up, how to work with the school, and how to tell when bullying has started to affect your child's mental health.

Is it bullying, or just kids being kids?

Not every unkind moment is bullying. Kids argue, leave each other out, and say hurtful things, and most of the time they work it out. Knowing the difference helps you respond in the right way.

In Ontario, the Education Act defines bullying as aggressive and typically repeated behaviour by a student that is meant to cause harm, fear, or distress, or that the student should know would cause it, where there is a real or perceived imbalance of power^[2]. That includes physical, verbal, social, and online bullying^[1].

In plain terms, ask three questions:

1. Does it keep happening? One rude comment is a bad moment. The same comments every day is a pattern.
2. Is there a power imbalance? The other child might be older, bigger, more popular, part of a group, or holding something over your child, like a secret or a photo.
3. Does your child feel unable to make it stop? In a normal conflict, both kids have some say. In bullying, one child is stuck.

Social bullying is the kind parents miss most

Hitting and name-calling are easy to spot. Social bullying is quieter. It looks like being told "you can't sit here," being left out of the group chat, rumours, mocking posts, or a friend group that suddenly turns on one child.

It leaves no bruises, so it often gets brushed off as drama. But research links bullying victimization to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts^[3], and social bullying can hurt just as much as the physical kind. For kids who already feel rejection intensely, it can be especially painful. Our article on rejection sensitive dysphoria in children explains why.

Signs your child might be bullied

Every child is different, and none of these signs proves bullying on its own. What matters is a change from how your child usually is, especially when several signs show up together.

Young children (JK to Grade 3)

• Stomach aches or headaches on school mornings that disappear on weekends
• Tears or clinging at drop-off when they used to separate easily
• Coming home very hungry (their snack or lunch may be getting taken)
• Lost, broken, or "borrowed" toys, clothes, or school supplies
• Saying "nobody plays with me" or "I don't have any friends"
• Bedwetting, nightmares, or going backwards on skills they had mastered
• Acting out mean or scary scenes in play

Tweens (Grades 4 to 8)

• Avoiding certain places: recess, the bus, the washroom, the lunchroom
• A sudden change in friend group, or no longer being invited to birthdays and sleepovers
• Big reactions to their phone, either avoiding it or checking it constantly
• Meltdowns or anger at home after holding it together all day (this is often called after-school restraint collapse)
• Putting themselves down: "I'm ugly," "I'm stupid," "everyone hates me"
• Dropping grades or "forgetting" homework they used to finish
• Quitting an activity they used to love, without a clear reason

Teens (Grades 9 to 12)

• Pulling away from family and spending more time alone
• Skipping specific classes, or not wanting to go to school at all
• Deleting social media accounts, or being glued to them and upset afterward
• Changes in sleep, appetite, or mood that last more than a couple of weeks
• Quitting a team, club, or job
• New risk-taking, or using alcohol, vaping, or cannabis to cope
• Talking about feeling hopeless, or comments like "everyone would be better off without me"

If your child has started avoiding school, don't wait it out. School refusal tends to get harder to reverse the longer it goes on. Our guide to school refusal and school avoidance walks through what to do.

Why kids don't tell you

Many parents find out about bullying weeks or months after it started. That's not a sign your relationship is broken. Kids keep bullying quiet for reasons that make sense to them:

• They think telling will make it worse. They worry you'll call the school and the other kids will find out who "snitched."
• They're afraid of losing their phone. If the bullying is online, many kids assume the solution will be taking their device away.
• They feel ashamed. Kids often believe they did something to deserve it, or that being bullied means something is wrong with them.
• They don't want to worry you. This is especially common when a family is already going through a hard time.
• They don't know it counts. If it's been happening for a while, it can start to feel normal.
• It involves something embarrassing. For teens, bullying sometimes involves photos, crushes, or sexual comments they fear will get them in trouble.

Some children also go quiet under stress instead of acting out. If that sounds like your child, our article on kids who shut down instead of melting down may help.

How to talk to your child about it

How you react in the first conversation shapes whether your child keeps talking to you. Here's what helps.

Pick a low-pressure moment

Side-by-side time, like a car ride, a walk, or cooking together, often works better than a sit-down talk. Bedtime is also a common time for kids to open up.

Start general, then get specific

"Who do you sit with at lunch?" or "Is there anyone at school who's being mean lately, to you or anyone else?" is easier to answer than "Are you being bullied?"

Stay calm, even if you're furious

Your child is watching your face. If you get very upset, they may decide to protect you by saying less. You can feel angry later, away from them.

Listen before you fix

Let them tell the whole story. Ask, "What happened next?" and "How did that feel?" before jumping to solutions.

Believe them and thank them

Telling took courage. Make sure they know it's not their fault.

Ask what they want to happen

Your child may have strong feelings about how you get involved. You won't always be able to do it their way, especially if they're unsafe, but including them in the plan helps them feel less powerless.

What to avoid

• "Just ignore them." If ignoring it worked, your child wouldn't be telling you.
• "Hit them back." This often gets the bullied child disciplined, and it rarely ends the bullying.
• Contacting the other child or their parents directly. It can escalate quickly. Go through the school first.
• Posting about it online. Even in a private parent group, it can make things worse for your child.
• Taking away the phone or internet as a "solution." It feels like a punishment and teaches kids not to tell you next time.
• Promising to keep it secret. If your child is in danger, you'll need to act. Promise instead that you'll keep them in the loop.

Working with your child's school

Ontario has clear rules about how publicly funded schools must handle bullying. Knowing them helps you ask for the right things and follow up with confidence.

Step 1: Write it down

Before you contact the school, start a simple log. For each incident, note the date, what happened, who was involved, where it happened, and anyone who saw it. Save screenshots of anything online, with dates and usernames visible. Keep a list of who you contact at the school and what they said.

A clear record makes the school's investigation easier and makes it much harder for concerns to fall through the cracks^[4].

Step 2: Start with the teacher, or go straight to the principal

For most situations, start with your child's teacher, or another staff member your child trusts. If the bullying is serious, involves a threat, or has already been reported without results, go directly to the principal or vice-principal^[1].

Step 3: Know what the school must do

Under Ontario's rules:

• Staff must take it seriously. School boards must ensure staff take every bullying report seriously and respond in a timely, sensitive, and supportive way^[2].
• The principal must investigate and inform parents. When bullying happens, the principal must contact the parents of both the student who was bullied and the student who did the bullying. They should explain what happened, the harm caused, the steps taken to protect your child, and the supports being offered^[1].
• Privacy limits what you'll hear. Schools must protect every student's privacy, so there may be details about the other student they can't share with you^[1][4]. That can feel frustrating, but it doesn't mean nothing happened.
• Off-campus bullying can count. Principals must respond to behaviour outside school, including online, when it affects the school climate^[1].
• Your child should get support. Boards must offer programs and supports for students who were bullied, students who witnessed it, and students who bullied others. Schools must also put specific plans in place to protect a student who has been harmed^[2].
• Consequences are progressive. Responses range from an apology or a parent meeting up to suspension, and expulsion can be considered for repeated or hate-motivated bullying^[1].

Step 4: Ask for a safety plan

When you meet with the principal, come with a few specific goals^[4]. You might ask:

• Who is the safe adult my child can go to, and how will they check in?
• What will change at recess, lunch, the bus, or in the classroom?
• How will you prevent retaliation if my child is identified as the one who reported?
• If my child has an IEP, how will these supports fit with it?^[2]
• When will we meet again to review how it's going?

Step 5: Follow up, in writing

After each meeting, send a short email summarizing what was agreed. Check in with your child and the school regularly. It's normal to keep monitoring for a few months, not just a few days^[4].

Step 6: If it's not getting better

If meetings with the school haven't stopped the bullying, you can contact the superintendent for your school or the superintendent responsible for safe schools at your board^[1]. Every board must have a process for parents who aren't satisfied with how bullying was handled^[2].

If the board's own process doesn't resolve it, the Ontario Ombudsman can take complaints about school boards, including their responses to bullying. The Ombudsman will usually ask you to go through the board's complaint process first, and it can't overturn board decisions, but it can look into whether the process worked the way it should^[5].

When to call police

Some situations go beyond school discipline. Contact police if bullying involves sexual assault, a hate-motivated incident, sextortion, weapons, or threats to your child's safety^[1]. In York Region, call 9-1-1 in an emergency, or York Regional Police's non-emergency line at 1-866-876-5423.

Public, Catholic, and private schools

Ontario's anti-bullying rules apply to publicly funded schools, which in York Region includes both the York Region District School Board and the York Catholic District School Board.

Private schools are different. There is no specific Ontario bullying legislation for private schools^[4]. If your child attends a private or independent school, ask for the school's written bullying policy and code of conduct, and use those as your guide in meetings. Many Thornhill and Vaughan families attend private and faith-based schools, so this is worth knowing before a problem comes up.

Cyberbullying

For many kids, bullying doesn't end at the school doors. It follows them home on their phones, into group chats, gaming platforms, and social media, often late at night.

A large review of studies found that children and young people who were cyberbullied were more than twice as likely to self-harm and to have suicidal thoughts or behaviours as those who weren't^[6]. Online bullying deserves the same seriousness as anything that happens in person.

If your child is being bullied online:

• Don't respond. Help your child resist replying, which often fuels it.
• Save the evidence. Take screenshots that show dates, times, and usernames before anything gets deleted.
• Block and report the accounts on the app or platform.
• Tell the school if it involves other students. Principals must respond to online bullying that affects the school climate, even when it happens outside school hours^[1].
• Keep the phone in your child's hands. Instead of taking it away, set up the tech plan together, like phones charging outside bedrooms overnight.

If it involves sexual images or sextortion

This is a crime, not a school discipline issue. Tell your teen they are not in trouble. Don't pay or send anything more, stop all contact, save the evidence, and contact police^[1]. You can also report to Cybertip.ca, Canada's national tipline for online sexual exploitation of children^[7]. NeedHelpNow.ca gives teens step-by-step guidance when intimate images have been shared without consent, or when someone is threatening to share them^[8].

For more on phones and school, see our guide to social media, teen mental health, and Ontario's school cellphone rules.

When bullying becomes a mental health concern

Bullying hurts in the moment, but for some kids the impact lasts much longer.

A major review of 165 studies found strong evidence that being bullied causes mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviours, with convincing evidence for self-harm and suicide attempts as well^[3]. A U.S. study that followed 1,420 children into their mid-twenties found that kids who were bullied had about four times the rate of anxiety disorders as adults, including generalized anxiety and panic disorder^[9].

The same study found that kids who were both bullied and bullied others had the highest risk of all, including much higher rates of depression and suicidal thinking as adults^[9]. Children caught in both roles need extra support, not just consequences.

The good news is that support works. A review of 100 school program evaluations found that anti-bullying programs reduce both bullying and being bullied^[10]. When home, school, and, if needed, a therapist work together, kids recover.

Here's a simple way to think about what your child needs.

Keep supporting at home

• Your child is upset but still sleeping, eating, and going to school
• They're still connected to at least one friend or activity
• Things are improving now that the school is involved

Book a consultation with a therapist

• Your child is anxious, sad, or angry most days for two weeks or more
• They're avoiding school, activities, or friends
• Sleep, appetite, or grades have changed noticeably
• They keep blaming themselves or calling themselves names
• The bullying has stopped, but your child hasn't bounced back
• You're seeing signs of depression. Our guide to teen depression vs. normal teen behaviour can help you sort it out.

Get help today

• Your child talks about wanting to die, not wanting to be here, or hurting themselves
• You've found signs of self-harm. Our article on navigating self-harm behaviours explains how to respond.
• There's a threat to your child's safety

If you're worried about your child's safety right now, call or text 9-8-8 (Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7) or call 9-1-1. Kids and teens can also reach Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or by texting CONNECT to 686868^[1].

If your child is the one doing the bullying

Finding out your child has bullied someone is hard. Many parents feel embarrassed, defensive, or shocked. Those reactions are normal. What matters is what you do next.

Kids who bully aren't "bad kids." There's usually something underneath: trouble managing anger, struggles with empathy or impulse control, a big change at home, being bullied themselves, or exposure to aggression somewhere else^[1]. Research also shows that kids who bully are at higher risk of their own mental health problems later on^[9].

What helps:

• Stay calm and get the facts. Listen to the school and to your child before deciding what happened.
• Name the behaviour clearly. "What you did was bullying, and it's not okay in our family."
• Build empathy. Ask, "How do you think that felt for them?" and give your child time to think about it.
• Make it right. Help your child find a sincere way to repair the harm, with the school's guidance.
• Look for what's driving it. Is your child angry, anxious, struggling socially, or being pressured by a group?
• Get support if it keeps happening. Counselling can help kids learn better ways to handle big feelings and conflict^[1]. For older kids, our teen anger management program focuses on exactly this.

How therapy helps kids who have been bullied

Bullying can leave kids with anxiety, low self-worth, and a deep sense that the world isn't safe. Therapy helps them make sense of what happened and rebuild their confidence. At Young Sprouts Therapy, we tailor the approach to your child's age and personality.

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

CBT helps kids notice and challenge the harsh thoughts bullying leaves behind, like "Something is wrong with me." It also helps them gradually face places that have started to feel scary, like the lunchroom or the bus. Learn more about our anxiety therapy and depression therapy for kids and teens.

Practising what to say and do

Many bullied kids freeze in the moment. In session, therapists role-play real situations so kids can practise confident body language, short comebacks, walking away, and asking for help.

Art and play therapy

Younger children, and kids who struggle to talk about painful experiences, can often show what happened before they can say it. In art therapy, a child might draw the lunchroom, make a comic about a hard day, or create a "shield" of their strengths. Nadine, a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) and Art Therapist at Young Sprouts, uses a child-centred, trauma-informed approach. For younger kids, play therapy works in a similar way through toys, puppets, and stories. If your child's drawings have started to worry you, our article on what an art therapist looks for in children's drawings may help.

Rebuilding friendships

Bullying often leaves kids isolated. Our group therapy programs for kids (ages 8 to 12) and teens (ages 13 to 17) give them a safe place to practise social skills and build confidence with peers. When a group isn't running, you can join the waitlist. You can also read about social skills support for kids in Vaughan.

Healing after serious bullying

If your child was physically hurt, threatened, or targeted over a long period, they may show trauma symptoms like nightmares, jumpiness, or avoiding anything that reminds them of it. Our trauma therapy can help.

Support for parents and the whole family

Watching your child get hurt is painful, and it's hard to know when to step in and when to step back. Parent coaching gives you a plan, and family therapy can help when bullying has created stress for everyone at home.

We offer therapy for children and teens at our Thornhill office and online across Ontario. If your teen isn't open to the idea, our guide on what to do when your teen refuses therapy can help.

Supports in Ontario and York Region

• Kids Help Phone: free, confidential support for young people, 24/7. Call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868. Visit kidshelpphone.ca.
• 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: call or text 9-8-8, 24/7, anywhere in Canada. Visit 988.ca.
• Cybertip.ca: Canada's tipline for reporting online sexual exploitation of children, including sextortion. Visit cybertip.ca.
• NeedHelpNow.ca: help for teens dealing with intimate images shared without consent. Visit needhelpnow.ca.
• PREVNet: Canada's research network on bullying prevention, with a guide for Ontario parents. Visit prevnet.ca.
• Government of Ontario bullying guide for parents: what to expect from your child's school. Visit ontario.ca.
• York Regional Police: 9-1-1 in an emergency. Non-emergency line 1-866-876-5423.
• Ontario Ombudsman: for complaints about how a school board handled a concern, after the board's own process. Visit ombudsman.on.ca.

Frequently asked questions

Your child doesn't have to handle this alone

Bullying can make a child feel small, powerless, and alone. One of the most protective things a child can have is an adult who believes them and keeps showing up. By reading this, you're already doing that.

If you're worried about how bullying is affecting your child, or you just want help figuring out what to do next, we're here.

Book a free 15-minute consultation or learn more about therapy for children and therapy for teens in Vaughan and Thornhill.

References

1. Government of Ontario. Bullying: we can all help stop it. Updated 2026. https://www.ontario.ca/page/bullying-we-can-all-help-stop-it
2. Ontario Ministry of Education. Policy/Program Memorandum 144: Bullying prevention and intervention. 2021. https://www.ontario.ca/document/education-ontario-policy-and-program-direction/policyprogram-memorandum-144
3. Moore SE, Norman RE, Suetani S, Thomas HJ, Sly PD, Scott JG. Consequences of bullying victimization in childhood and adolescence: a systematic review and meta-analysis. World J Psychiatry. 2017;7(1):60-76. doi:10.5498/wjp.v7.i1.60. https://www.wjgnet.com/2220-3206/abstract/v7/i1/60.htm
4. PREVNet. Ontario bullying policy and legislation: for parents. https://prevnet.ca/resources/policy-legislation/ontario/parents
5. Ontario Ombudsman. Complaints about school boards. https://www.ombudsman.on.ca/Files/sitemedia/Documents/Complaints-about-SCHOOL-BOARDS-EN-accessible.pdf
6. John A, Glendenning AC, Marchant A, Montgomery P, Stewart A, Wood S, Lloyd K, Hawton K. Self-harm, suicidal behaviours, and cyberbullying in children and young people: systematic review. J Med Internet Res. 2018;20(4):e129. doi:10.2196/jmir.9044. https://www.jmir.org/2018/4/e129
7. Canadian Centre for Child Protection. About Cybertip.ca. https://cybertip.ca/en/about/
8. Canadian Centre for Child Protection. NeedHelpNow.ca relaunch. 2023. https://protectchildren.ca/en/press-and-media/news-releases/2023/needhelpnow-relaunch
9. Copeland WE, Wolke D, Angold A, Costello EJ. Adult psychiatric outcomes of bullying and being bullied by peers in childhood and adolescence. JAMA Psychiatry. 2013;70(4):419-426. Summary: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/news/science-news/2013/bullying-exerts-psychiatric-effects-into-adulthood
10. Gaffney H, Ttofi MM, Farrington DP. Effectiveness of school-based programs to reduce bullying perpetration and victimization: an updated systematic review and meta-analysis. Campbell Syst Rev. 2021;17(2):e1143. doi:10.1002/cl2.1143. https://doaj.org/article/ac739bae13754152b121bc525ce238e2

This article is for general information only and is not a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you're worried about your child's safety, call or text 9-8-8 or call 9-1-1.